27 Reasons Why Wine Is Better Than Sex

Some would argue that sex pips it to the post in terms of general gratification, however I’m not so sure.

From a Shiraz with pizzazz to a peachy Pinot Grigio, 27 reasons why wine is better than sex.

1. Wine knows what you want without you having to tell it

… and gets it right *every* time

2. Wine can go on all night

… and doesn’t make a fuss if you want it at three in the afternoon or three in the morning.

3. You can go out in the middle of the night to get more wine and nobody calls you a pervert

… and it’s far more readily available in petrol stations and twenty-four hour corner shops.

4. Wine rarely ends up all over your face

5. Wines never get criticised for being full-bodied

… because a decent one always has good legs.

6. You *never* have to decide whether to spit or swallow wine

7. A hint of black fruits with an aromatic bouquet of cherries

… describes the smell of something.

I’ll leave you to figure out what.

8. Wine doesn’t have a size – one bottle fits all

9. Wine doesn’t get pi**ed off when you call it complex, fleshy or dense

10. Wine isn’t needy

And doesn’t mind it when you roll over and start snoring.

11. Wine loves you as much in pyjamas as it does in your hold-ups

12. You don’t have to shave your entire body to drink wine

13. That initial first taste of wine at 6pm?

Instant gratification, no foreplay needed.

14. You can drink wine at *any* time of the month

15. You are less likely to get arrested drinking wine in a public place

16. Wine will let you watch ‘I’m a Celebrity’ while drinking it

Or talk to your friends on the phone about what to wear next Friday night.

17. Wine won’t ask you to drink another bottle at the same time

18. You can drink wine on the floor without getting sore knees

19. It’s totally acceptable to drink wine in front of your mum and dad

20. It’s totally acceptable to drink wine *with* your mum and dad

21. You can’t play spin the penis

3022. Or make a cork board from condoms

23. Wine is never too tired

24. Wine won’t make you feel s**t about yourself in the morning

… and if it does, drinking more will always make you feel better.

25. Wine asks for nothing in return

26. Wine is good when you’re drunk

27. There is *no* such thing as bad wine