Is Scheduled Sex Good For You? Read What The Expert Say
Is Scheduled Sex Good For You? Read What The Expert Say
Busy couples always find s*x a difficult thing to focus on because they hardly have time. Could scheduled s*x be the answer? Read what the expert has to say on the it.
Korin Miller has explained how best she and her jusband manage things when it comes to scheduled s*x and the impact it can has had on their lives. Also, a clinical psychologist Claire Nicogossian, Psy.D. gives the best expert knowledge on the topic. First, Korin explains. My husband Chris is a chef, and that means we see each other, oh, about twice a week. And it’s not like we have two whole days off together—far from it. On the days he’s off, I’m usually working (and vice-versa). By my estimation, we spend about 12 waking hours together a week, maybe six of those by ourselves. And there’s pressure to “make ’em count,” if you know what I mean.
Basically, Chris and I have only a small window of opportunity to have s*x, and if we miss it, we’re screwed. But technically, not screwed at all. The worst is when we know it’s on the agenda and then we end up bickering or falling asleep early and completely miss the boat. Then we might not get a chance again for a few days, and there’s really nothing we can do about it.
So basically, we have to schedule s*x. I mean, we don’t whip out a calendar, but if neither of us has to work, there’s a 99 percent chance I’m going to get laid. It’s really my only chance. If we miss an obvious window of opportunity, we might try to steal a few moments on any given day, but we definitely have to plan for it.
We usually try to lock things down with something like, “Are we going to…later?” or “Tomorrow morning? You and me?” And it puts a lot of pressure for our time off together. While I worry that our method doesn’t make s*x as “sexy” as it can be, licensed clinical psychologist Claire Nicogossian, Psy.D., says we’re actually on to something.
“Scheduling and making sexual and emotional intimacy a priority for couples is healthy,” she says.
Apparently, I’m not the only one who worries that scheduled s*x isn’t as good as the spontaneous version. Nicogossian says that’s a normal concern, but it just isn’t valid since the end result is the same—i.e., you’re still having s*x.
Instead, I just have to change the way I think about it. “If you schedule s*x, you are taking care of you and your partner’s emotional, physical, and relationship health,” she says. “That is sexy.”
But Nicogossian says we also need to try to throw a little spontaneity into the mix, too, or else we run the risk of making s*x seem like a chore.
Yeah…easier said than done.
So I’ve decided I’m just going to look for more spontaneous opportunities when the mood strikes—even if that means jumping Chris’ bones at a random time on a day when he already knows he’s going to get some. A two-for-one is definitely better than none at all, right?