SAVING THE BEST FRIEND: HOW TO HELP YOUR FRIEND OUT OF A BAD RELATIONSHIP
I have had a friend (make that two) that dated someone who constantly treated her like she wasn’t good enough and in the process damaging her self esteem.
I know most people have friends like this or have actually been this person and sometimes, friends try to help but they go about it the wrong way.
I remember when my friends and I wanted to help our friend out of a bad relationship several years ago, we called her and started listing out the boy’s faults and how foolish she was to be with him. You know what that did to her? It made her angry at us, push us away, while she continued with this person.
We were angry and for a long time we were like damn it, if she wants to keep getting tossed around, her business. But you know the funny thing? We were wrong.
We had no clue that the way we were going about it, there was no way in hell she would have wanted to leave. We were making her feel bad, making her feel like an errant child, instead of offering her comfort and letting her realize no matter what, we were not judging her.
We made her look foolish forgetting that after she must have felt hurt by her boyfriend, the last thing she wanted to be made was a fool by her own friends.
Let me suggest a few ways through which you can help your friend out of a bad relationship.
-Make her talk to you about everything. Thing is you might be thinking, she is already my bestie, she knows she can hit me up two in the morning and lay her problems in my laps, she knows I would listen.
But the truth is, we have all done things we are not proud of in our lives and sometimes we get so ashamed we cannot mention this to our best friends. When you suspect she is not really happy in the relationship, remind her that no matter what, she can talk to you about anything.
The moment she knows this, things would get easier for her.
-Do not judge her for anything. Not for the poor choices she knows better than making nor for the ridiculous decisions she keeps taking every time. Yes you can find a way to tell her that she is smarter than the decisions she has chosen to make but do not under any circumstance judge her. You are trying to help here and judging won’t take you anywhere.
-Instead of telling her stuff like “can’t you see he doesn’t love you?” or “Why are you taking all of these from this man, you’re being stupid o” tell her, “I noticed you and X had a little bad moment earlier, do you want to tell me about it?” go ahead to add your own experience or experience of someone you know or something. Just say anything that will make her talk don’t scold her.
-Help her with whatever might be standing in the way of making a decision. It might be money, fear of breakdown or anything at all. Whatever you think the case might be, build her trust in you and let her know no matter what she can depend on you for anything whatsoever.
-Never leave her alone. Be there for her, hold her hands, let her know no matter what you will be there for her every step of the way while she makes what seems like one of the hardest decisions in her life.