Put This Alarm Clock In Your Vagina And Wake Up To An Orgasm

Wakey, wakey

If you are anything like me (and let’s face it, you probably are) then you have a hard time getting up in the morning.

Your alarm clock goes off and you hit the snooze button so hard that you make it cry.

That’s right, your hatred for getting up is so great you’ve somehow managed to make an inanimate object cry. 

You know what would make an alarm clock better? If instead of waking you up with a vile alarm, it woke you up with a red hot orgasm.

Good day sunshine, indeed! 

Waking up on time is the worst and having an orgasm instead of grumpily turning off your alarm would be pure bliss.

Well some deviant sex genius agrees, and as such has created an alarm clock that wakes you up with a knee-shaking orgasm.

It’s called the Little Rooster, and while it may look like a high-tech spatula, it’s actually a brilliant sex toy, so hold onto your labia.

This isn’t just a vibrator, it’s an alarm clock FOR YOUR PANTS. The device has 27 ultra-quiet levels of intensity (plus three more monster-loud ones for your deep sleepers).

You actually wear it inside your underwear (a potential problem for nude sleepers like me) where a “vibrating leg stimulates your clitoris and labia.”

The Little Rooster sex toy knows that waking up in hard to do, so the gentle and sexy vibrations actually begin five minutes before you actually need to get your butt out of bed. The only potential problem with this thing is that you won’t want to get up right away, but instead stay in bed savoring the sensations.

It seems like no matter what magical iPhone app I download to try and get my butt out of bed on time, I am forever scrambling, running around my house screaming “PANTS PANTS PANTS” much to the consternation of my household pets.

Deleting said apps and replacing them with this orgasm-giving miracle of science seems like a genius way to go.

Plus the thing isn’t even that expensive. It’s under 60 bucks, and I’ll be real, I’ve paid more for sex with less of an orgasm guarantee. I kid, I kid. Or do I? No but really I do.