How To Make Love: What Hollywood Never Taught You

Drop everything Hollywood ever taught you about making love right here before you commence on reading this article.

You have to unlearn every freaking bs and fantasy Hollywood has made you believe about having sex like right now so you can learn the reality of how it is really done.

After you have done that, we can proceed to learning how it is in fact done in real life.

Note: Making love in real life is not glamorous, sometimes is messy and certainly does not involve slow motion.

There is no magnet anywhere pulling y’all together before the act

Yes there is such a thing as chemistry and it is what gets you both in the room in the first place. But you see, chemistry does not keep you staring hard at each other and then helps you strip the clothes off one after the other.

You have to go for it. You both wanna do this and you have to act.

While acting, things might get pretty awkward

Unlike the perfect picture Hollywood and romance novels have painted for us where the clothes get off easily and perfectly and the guy patiently rips the girl off all her clothes and then proceeds to stripping himself, getting naked gets pretty awkward in reality sometimes.

Imagine if the girl you’re trying to have sex with is wearing skinny jeans and that itself takes several minutes to come off?

If you have it at the back of your mind that this gets awkward, then it won’t be awkward at all when you get in the mood. Help each other remove clothes while you get ready…

And who says the clothes have to come off?

Where is it written that you have to be very naked before you have sex? Another Hollywood fantasy debunked. You can do it half naked and it doesn’t have to be on the bed.

If you feel the need to get to the business really fast, then go all the way. If the jeans or dress is posing a difficulty then remove it to the point where you can do what you need to do and ease inside your partner as gently or roughly as you want it.

It does not have to be on the bed

Ever wonder how some couples in movies start making out in the kitchen and bam! they are in the bedroom half nude? Like what happened in like the time from the kitchen to the room? As in they seriously had the time to dash halfway to the room when they could have done the thing on the kitchen counter? *side eye Hollywood*

You can have sex anywhere you freaking want to and like I stated earlier, could be without being naked.

Orgasms are so not easy to get!

Yeah, Fifty Shades Of Grey lied. There is no way Bella Swan Anastasia Steele could have had that many orgasms as often as she did. No woman orgasms easily. It takes a lot of hardwork. So if you are doing this for the first time and you are expecting the woman to cum as fast as you, you are in for one big surprise.

That shi takes time man. I mean some women don’t even get it in this life.

And when you get them, you sometimes need a weird position

Like seriously weird. So it means you are ruling out the most popular missionary position here. Sometimes a woman needs to assume slightly weird positions to orgasm. Have this in mind when you thump in and out expecting some orgasm miracle.

Ya gonna need lubes. Yeah, seriously.

Sometimes it gets dry and makes sex harder causing the woman pain. You don’t have to worry, there are lubes, the second best thing after toast bread. Lubricate before you go in or when you are beginning to see everything is dry.

Its also okay to pull out to apply lubes. It won’t apply itself anyway. So don’t worry about pulling out, applying lube before continuing with sex.

Be careful what lube you buy

Because you might want some “head” action during sex. You don’t want something that tastes awful in your mouth while you are doing it.

Switching positions don’t come easy

If you want to move from reverse cowgirl to doggie or vice versa, it is not going to be magical and fantastic. So, take time and don’t be afraid to disengage in the few seconds it will take you to assume new positions.

Do not be nervous

The most important thing about having sex for the first time is not being nervous. When you have your head, you would realize that it simply gets easier.

 

PS: because this article says sex for dummies, if you are a guy, you put your thing in the girl’s thing to start. And if you are a girl, you allow the guy put his thing in your thing… I think.