4 Things Matchmakers Want You To Know About Chemistry
Oh, chemistry. That mysterious feeling that people search endlessly for. No one is quite sure how to describe it in words. It is simply that “special something” you feel when you know you are super attracted to someone. People spend years searching for this indescribable feeling.
I am here to tell you that chemistry is not as mysterious as you might think. Here are fourthings I have learned about chemistry over the years that will change how you look at love from this point forward.
1. Chemistry is hardwired by your historical past
Procrastination is something many people suffer from daily. Fortunately, it’s also something that is purely mind over matter to overcome.
Typical procrastination excuses we tell ourselves
- I’ll do this tomorrow, there’s not enough time to do this today.
- I work better under pressure, I’ll wait until it’s almost due and then the work will be even better.
- This is such a huge project, I don’t even want to think about it yet, I’ll put it off for one more day.
- I don’t really need to do this yet; it can wait until sometime in the future.
Unfortunately all of these lead to the inevitable day when you must actually complete the task. And while most people actually do get it done under that time pressure, working that way does not always produce the best results, and allows less time to proof and make it perfect.
2. Matchmakers can predict chemistry, and so can you
Since chemistry is defined by our history, I am able to predict who my friends will be attracted to by talking to them first. I ask about each of their parents as individuals and about their parents’ relationship with each other. I also learn about their own past romantic relationships, what has and has not worked, as well as their current relationship goals. I then take a step back and look for patterns in the answers to these questions. By doing so, I am able to pinpoint the types of people they feel organic chemistry with, and determine if thoserelationships have been healthy or problematic.
3. Good chemistry does not always mean successful relationships
4. You can change your chemistry patterns
If you are starting to think your chemistry patterns might be what has been keeping you from having successful long-term relationships, do not worry. Chemistry patterns can be tweaked. To do this you need to think back to the types of people you have had relationships with in the past. Recall their characteristics and traits, both positive and negative.
Look at these lists side by side. Are there any commonalities? Do you continue to be attracted to people that are emotionally unavailable, not looking for a relationship or are dishonest? Are you attracted to people who have a great sense of humor, are happy, playful, condescending or very sensitive? Figure out where you can tweak your natural chemistry patterns by weeding out the negative and focusing on the positive traits you are attracted to. Making extreme changes are often not as productive as helpful little tweaks. If you change things just the right amount, you will have more relationship success.
Always remember that chemistry patterns don’t have to be perfect; they just have to be understood to get you into the right relationship for you. For example, looking at my own history, I have always been attracted to emotionally disconnected women. But, fortunately, I also must have a woman with loyalty, brilliance and a passion for life, work and love. Because I was also attracted to these more positive qualities that are conducive to a long-term love, I was able to get into a relationship with a quality woman and work to make our relationship more connected.