10 Stupid “Guy Codes” Guys Need To Stop Following

         Who made this 10 stupid guy codes?

Let me begin by saying that prior to the movie “How I Met Your Mother” the term “Bro or Guy Code” first made an impression when movie character Micheal Scott used it inThe Benihana Christmas episode of the American comedy television series The Office.

So how did this term find it’s way through pop culture?! And there are some rules that are incredulous while others are just plain ridiculous.

The Bro Code is a book written that covers  over 150 rules written in articles of what “guys” should or shouldn’t do. The book was penned by Barney Stinson and also credited with Kuhn. Greig Dymond of CBC.ca “The Goat”calls the book, “a tongue-in-cheek guide to etiquette for horn-dog dudes.”

Funny how all the rules are made to inflate the already over-inflated ego of the male specie. I love it though.

Here are some of the 10 stupid guy codes you have ever heard or will ever hear of; and trust me, there are over 200 of this ridiculous rules.

Although some of the rules are quite understandable, some are just plain stupid. Here’s my amendment. (Bro equals Guy).

1) A BRO MUST ACCEPT ANY AND ALL “MANHOOD TESTING” –

Really, so to prove you are really a man, if your friends say stick your dick into a fire as a test, you should agree just because some stupid, made-up rule approves?!

AMENDMENT – Unless the test will pay you in cash or kind, you are free to reject, turn down or refuse any kind of stupid “manhood testing”. A real man doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone, only boys try to prove shit.

2) BROS DO NOT SHARE A DRINK OR POPCORN AT THE CINEMA –

What?!! Says who?!! But you can share indoors?! So hypocritical. Before a guy accepts this rule, he should hunt down those who made this rule and inquire if they have ever been to the movies, broke. When you’re broke, as a guy, you don’t care who buys. If you are filling the bill and you don’t have enough for two, you get one and share with your friends. And your bros should do the same. That’s brotherhood.  Bros raising Bros.

AMENDMENT – If there’s a sexual or emotional feminine interest, then it would just look pitiful seeing a bunch of grown ass men sharing pop corn and a drink at the cinema. If there’s no female, please have fun, with or without, bros keep it real.

 

3 IF A BRO DIES WHILE LIFTING WEIGHT, THE OTHER BRO SHALL ADD MORE WEIGHT TO THE BAR BEFORE DIALING FOR HELP-

That’s very interesting. Well unless you’re wearing gloves and would be wiping away your finger prints on that last bar, you shouldn’t be dumb enough to assume you won’t get caught. Chances are by the time the autopsy report comes back, they would say it was the bar you added that killed him and not that he died before you added the bar. Jail time.

AMENDMENT – If your bro dies while lifting weight, just dial 911 or the necessary authorities.

4   A BRO NEVER USES ANY TYPE OF VISUAL COMMUNICATION WHEN TAKING A DUNK INCL. FACETIME, SKYPE, OR VIDEO CALL

Why can’t he use visual comm. when taking a dunk in the loo? Cos he doesn’t want to bare his shame. Lol. Just imagine face-timing or skyping with your man and he does this strange face squeeze cos the dunk got stuck in his ass, lmao, that will be epic.

AMENDMENT – Yeah, keep your shame guys, we don’t want to see them either. Next please.

5   A BRO ALWAYS OFFERS HIS BRO A DRINK WHEN GETTING ONE FOR HIMSELF

That’s quite acceptable but only to the extent where your other bro doesn’t automatically expect you to “always” pay.

AMENDMENT – A real bro will split or contribute to the bill even if you were the one just offering. Any bro that is in the habit of always drinking for free from you without ever offering you the same favor or splitting the bill, ain’t really a real g. Real g’s know what’s right.

6   IF YOU CATCH YOUR BRO’S GIRL CHEATING YOU IMMEDIATELY TELL YOUR BRO REGARDLESS OF WHT DRAMA IT WOULD CREATE

This is only acceptable if it’s vice versa but as with all things men, they have their way, again. So if you’re a girl and you have male mutual friends with your boyfriend, be careful what you say and do around them, cos dem folks are snitches. They’ll snitch on your ass once they have the chance. Spies.

A guy is only allowed to tell on his friends girlfriend but if his friend was the one cheating, he wouldn’t tell the chick in question.

AMENDMENT – If this works for men and they accept it wholeheartedly then they shouldn’t get upset when the tables are turned and they are left in the dark. If his friends can cover for him if he’s the one cheating, then the girls friends too can cover for her. Same shit, served on a different platter.

7   WHEN BROS HUG, THEY DO NOT CLOSE THEIR EYES OR REST THEIR HEAD ON THE OTHER BROS SHOULDER

Uh, how is this supposed to be a code? Even a retard knows you don’t hug a member of the same sex, close your eyes and rest on their shoulder unless they are family and you just need that kind of emotional connection so bad you’re willing to look weak to stay strong.

AMENDMENT – No amendment. Guys shouldn’t be doing that cos it would just look awkward.

8  IF  CHICK FIGHT BREAKS OUT, ALL NEARBY BRO’S MUST BE ALERTED, IMMEDIATELY. UNLESS BLOOD IS DRAWN, BRO’S DO NOT BREAK UP CHICK FIGHTS.

That’s typical. I’m not surprised. What would they be looking for in a chick fight besides torn garments and ripped underwear. They always take the option to see a naked ass first over any other thing. Typical.

AMENDMENT – A real bro shouldn’t condone violence at any level. Chicks shouldn’t even be fighting around where you are and if coincidentally it happens it is your duty as a peaceful person to settle the dispute amicably.

9     A BRO NEVER CATCHES A COLD. WOMEN CATCH COLD, THEY GET “MAN FLU”

Oh lawd, kill me already, what is “man flu”? Just cos you are a bro doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a doctor nor does it give you the right to make up names just to placate your ego. “Men don’t get cold, they get man flu”. Ridiculous.

AMENDMENT – Flu is flu, man, woman, girl, guy, its the same. Rather than bother about the name, focus on getting better. Jeez.

10     A BRO ALWAYS GIVES HIS BRO VALIDATION IF IT INCREASES HIS CHANCE OF NAILING A CHICK, EVEN IF ITS A LIE

I am not surprised. Would have been shocked otherwise. Guys will lie through their teeth and their friends will shamelessly help if the end game is fucking a chick. It’s a norm for guys.

AMENDMENT – What goes around comes around. Don’t go mad when her friends validate you just so you remain a maga, a perpetual finance officer or a customer care assistant, lol.

Guy codes are fun. It’s good to know them. Not to be guided by them but rather to know what they know. Knowledge is power. Peace